two ruined birthday stories

I’m at the cash register with my wallet out about to purchase the likeness of one of these pitchers made into a fountain to adorn my home… nasty whore of patriarchy Eve of Adam screams I must not proceed with the purchase because she will buy it for me for my upcoming birthday… I say no thanks, why don’t you buy me the usual cat calendar I never use and let me purchase what I am about to buy because I want it NOW!

She starts crying, saying it’s the perfect birthday gift and she WILL buy it for me… she makes a scene… I’m like WTF where is the hidden camera, I’m being punked… she grabs it from my hands and says she will get it for my birthday…

I don’t argue because she gave me a headache and I just wanna go home…

Fast forward a month… I open up my birthday gift saying FINALLY…

To my HORROR, it’s not even anywhere near what I wanted and was about to purchase for myself…

She got me the wrong thing and then pretended it was just an “innocent” mistake!

Same rabies infested whore of patriarchy and I go to Cancun for my birthday just so she can attempt to leave me at the club without money or our hotel key card when she decides to take off on the back of a moped with a Maxican without bothering to give me my property which she was holding onto so I could have fun on my birthday and not worry about being stuck lugging around a purse…

I find her in the last second, outside of Cocobongo, just in time to punch the Mexican to stop him from taking off with her and force her off the moped by getting into a physical altercation with her (I had to fight her, I had no choice) to get my belongings so I was not stranded ALONE AND RESOURCELESS in Mexico on my RUINED birthday whilst she did nothing but yell at me in the cab ride back to our hotel screaming I ruined HER night!

What I’m saying is I’m not into your nasty whores of patriarchy and their rabies infested antics of constantly cheating me whilst they lie and plagiarize and abuse me whilst they do nothing but protect patriarchy’s rape empire and waste my time staying in climbing a ladder and/or staircase and/or riding an elevator that absolutely doesn’t exist for me… they locked me out of my own resources and are trying to feed me shit from a neverending army of Eve of Adam’s (all races, all sizes and all ages, they don’t discriminate… Don’t even try to call me a racist… The whore that nearly killed me in Mexico was as white trash as a trailer park with bleached blond hair…) dirty shit hole!

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